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Living Single Blog

Man's point of view
Woman's point of view


You've made a decision

There was a time, when a single man could look around his church and take note of women attending church without a man and he could safely assume, that woman was single. Fast forward to 2016. Now, instead of thinking, "She must be single because she's always in church by herself," instead you prepare yourself for the words that are most likely to come out of her mouth.

Lets play out the scene. You approach this woman and introduce yourself. You say, "Hello, my name is Derrick. I've noticed you for some time now, and you always come to church alone. Would I be correct in assuming you are single?"

Back in the day the answer was, "Yes I am single."

Now, in 2016 you hear, "I'm with someone."

The problem with that answer, "I'm with someone" is, you aren't really with someone because you don't have a wedding ring on; you are lying to yourself that you have someone, but you really don't. Truth is, that man doesn't love you enough to marry you and you are so scared you won't get anybody else so you won't send him away. I suggest you say, "Yes that's it, that's the reason," because the other option makes you like weak and powerless. The other option is, you are so sprung on his ( ) that you can't let IT go. Half the time when women are creaming in church I wonder are they celebration their love for God or the fact that their man did them good and right the night before.

Don't forget I'm talking about a woman in church, a woman that is suppose to live by Biblical principles. If your friend, and that's the new name women use now instead of husband, "My friend," if this friend lives with you, you are wrong. If he has an open invitation to the booty, you're wrong. If you have been giving it up for a long time, you're wrong. If you have no plans on ending it, you're wrong. In so many ways you are living wrong but yet, you have no problem going to church and claiming to believe in the living God? I ended that with a question mark because your statement of believe is in question. People that believe in God fear punish from God. The duration of your sexual sin indicates, you have no fear of punishment from your King because you really don't believe there is a King of Heaven.

You have free will to pick whatever side you want to be on. When you make up your mind that you will accept this man's "Friendship" in place of a marriage, and he gets all the privileges that come with marriage, you have picked what side you are on. Now, if you have your own personal god (small g), then you can define that spiritual life any way you want and follow any set of rules you see fit, but, if you all going to continue to claim you follow the living God, you have to explain why you don't follow the rules; and please don't say there's nothing wrong with what you are doing because you love him and he loves you. If you really believe loving someone is a good enough excuse for your life style, stand up in church and give a testimony. In that testimony tell all the people in your congregation that you have sex with your boyfriend four times a week and for some, tell them this is the reason you don't have church members over to your house, because you didn't want anyone to know your boyfriend lives with you. Tell them how you think it's okay and how God understand because you love him and he loves you.

Women understood this long ago, don't know why women today think it's different. IF he loves you, he would want to marry you. That truth will never change.

Now understand, I don't believe signing marriage papers makes a marriage. The history of the marriage license is clear, anyone can read it's history on the internet. Marriage licenses were first introduced in America to stop black people from marrying white people. In time, several states instituted this marriage license for the same reason. After some time it became clear that there was money to be made in issuing marriage licenses so slowly other states made it a legal practice. Even after all the state made marriage licenses necessary, it became further necessary to have a legally binding contract in order to take advantage of things like, your spouses pension plan and medical benefits.

Do you don't think you can hide behind the racist history of the marriage license? I threw that out just because I know the history of the marriage license in America, but you haven't even proclaimed to your friends and family that this man is your common law husband. You hide him from your fellow church members like a dirty little secret. Sure he acts like a husband, he might even be better to you than your friends husbands are to them but, there is still that little matter of, remember you claimed to be a Christian? Some of you call yourselves, Godly women? You can't claim to Godly if you don't want to Sacrifice the happiness of your sex life, for your King.

The sad thing is, most of the church now days, is made up of women and most of those women have a "Friend." So what is a good Christian man to do? He's looking for a woman that loves God but can't seem to find one. If he gets a woman outside the church, then he won't have the Love of God to share with his wife. He can't find a woman inside the church that Loves God, because most of the women are demonstrating a choice of loving themselves over loving their King.

I'm not even going to talk about the women on the dating sites that start their profile with, "I'm looking for a Godly man," because all you have to do is get most of them in conversation and you'll find out they've been in one or two long term relationships which included sex like they were married. I was on the dating sites and I made it clear that I wanted a wife but in conversation I found that women were so scared they wouldn't get a husband, despite my profile statement and my verbal statement, they would offer, "Marriage would be great but I would be okay with a long term, monogamous relationship." Is it that bad? And who is to blame, the man that take what you offer or are you going to continue saying that's all that's being offered?

I had one girl ask me, "Why do we have to wait so long?" I asked, "To get married?" She responded, "No, for the other thing." I said, "Oh for sex." Now look at this. The girl had a choice to ask for one of two things but instead of asking for marriage she rejected marriage and asked for sex. Now I could have given it to her but I was looking for a wife. If you acted right and asked for marriage I would have given her what she wanted. Maybe most of you are powerless because you don't exercise your power.

So I ask you, what is the make up of the church in 2016? If there are almost no men, and the majority of the single women live unGodly life styles; what does that make the makeup of the church? What's the odds that you are sitting next to a member of the Kingdom of Heaven. Likely, you are sitting next to members of the kingdom of hell. God made it clear, you are either for me or against me.

Don't lie to yourself, it's not just a sin you are doing; it's a decision you've made.



I can no longer shop for a husband like I'm a super model

I'm writing this story because I'm completely rethinking the way I see the whole dating world. I always said, a man has to come and take care of me, he needs to have more money than me and has to take me on vacations some of which I couldn't afford to take myself. I didn't think anything was wrong with the way I was thinking because all the women around me thought the same way, but something happened that changed all that.

Recently, I ran into a man that I dated maybe five years ago. Back when I met him he was not doing well financially so I ended the relationship after only two months. He was nice to me, he was and still is a good looking man, but he was also on the shorter side and I really love tall men and like I said, the main thing was, he was struggling so hard financially. He explained his situation to me and I understood he had made a lot of sacrifices because he was the full time parent of his daughter but, I really didn't care, all I knew was he couldn't afford to take me out and do for me the way I felt I deserved, so I just passed on him.

Fast forward five years, I ran into this same man that I had blown off five years back while shopping in a hardware store. We took a moment to acknowledge, "Yeah it's you, yeah it's me," then we finished shopping together, paid for our items and then walked to a fast food place. We got some food, sat and talked for a couple of hours, catching up on what we have been doing over the past five years, including our dating lives. He said he continued to struggle finding a woman while he was still hurting financially but, that things had changed for the better in both his financial and his love life.

I was amazed to find that he had solved all his financial problems and had achieved so much in such a short amount of time. He said to me, and I'll never forget it, "I was really feeling you and I was sad that you wouldn't give me a chance because of my money issues and I really didn't understand why you just couldn't give me time. I tried to make it clear to you that once my daughter goes to college I'll be free to put all my time into fixing my situation."

I really didn't know what to say so I just said, "Sorry." After I said sorry, he just looked at me. He didn't say he accepts my apology he just looked at me like he wanted to say, really, that's all you have to offer is sorry. Maybe that's the look I saw on his face because I knew sorry was not really a good enough compensation for what I did to him; I was pretty uncaring when I cut off the relationship. Looking back at it a few months later, I realized it was pretty brutal the way I did it but I no longer had his phone number so I had to way to reach him and apologize.

He then said, "My daughter went to college six months after you rejected me, six months later I got one of my businesses off the ground and six months after that I got another business going. Within eighteen months after my daughter had left for college I was making five thousand a month; within two years that number was ten thousands a month. By year three I was making millions a year."

I thought to myself, wow, this really handsome man that was so sweet and so kind to me, who made me laugh, who cooked food for me, who went to church and loved God/Yah, is now also rich. I thought, he liked me before so I should have no trouble getting him to like me again, the way he's looking at me, he probably never got over his feelings for me. With that thought in mind I asked him, "So are you married?"

He answered, "No."

I asked him, "Is there a special woman in your life?"

He answered, "No."

I smiled and said, "Again, I'm so sorry I was short sided five years ago, I've matured a lot since then; do you think there's a way you and I can give it another try now?" I waited for the answer feeling so sure inside that the answer would be yes and that's when it hit me hard, reality that is.

This man paused, smiled and said, "Wow, you are so cute, so cute and I really appreciate you wanting to date me but, you have to understand, all I got from women back when my money was short was, "Call me when you have money," "You too broke to date," "If you can't take care of a woman you should not try to date until you can." For years I was lonely all because I couldn't get a woman to look pass my financial situation and give me time. Back then I only went after what you could say are average looking women, like yourself.

Now when he said that I threw my head backwards and said, "Excuse me."

He continued; "Look, you nice looking and all but you not million dollar nice. One thing I learned from all the women I dealt with including you is, dating is all about the money, the more money you have the better looking the women you go for can be. You my dear was nice enough looking when I had small money and if you had gave me time I would have loved you forever including now when I have money, but you didn't give me time, now I'm rich, and the rules set by women are, money buys you sexy and beautiful and so I'm going to shop in the stores I can afford."

This next thing he said to me really set me back and is the main reason I'm writing this story for other women to read, he said, "I'm rich, I can afford to hit on any woman in the world and baby, you just don't look good enough, you should have never made it about money, you should have looked for love." Then this man stood up and said, "The problem is, average looking women want a super model rich man, but they don't realize a super model rich man or a plain looking rich man like myself have super model women throwing themselves at us all day long because they want the money. I know what you're thinking, "But those women are only after me for my money" and you would be right in thinking so but baby, wasn't you only after me for the money, if that wasn't the case you wouldn't have said to me, and I'm quoting because I will never forget your words as long as I live, "You look good on paper but I make eighty thousand a year and that's all that matters." So you see baby girl, I'm just playing the game you women set in place, it's an exchange of looks for money and you just don't have the looks to get my level of money; then he turned and walked away.

At that time I was all kinds of mad; how dare he say I didn't look good enough for him, but after a few days of thinking on it, I realized, what he said to me isn't much different than what I said to him when I said my last words before hanging up on him, I said, "You don't have enough money for me, I'm out of your league." As women, we don't realize the pain we put into men's souls when we reject them based on something that is not actually them but their achievement. Between the two put downs, I would rather be put down for lacking money than for looks because money is not a part of the person where looks is who you are when you look into the mirror. If I had understood this before, maybe I would have judged him based on things that were part of him as a person, focusing on the things I liked about it him like his ability to make me laugh. Be warned women, if you play this game you better be all that and you better get your man before time catches up to you and your beauty starts to fade. We have only ourselves to blame for making it an exchange of money for looks. I made it all about the money and now I sit around wishing a man would make me laugh and there's no one here to do it.





What a man needs to date

To date you need sex, money, and or a position. Height is the biggest of all the attributes even for women that's why women wear 4 inch heels, can hardly walk but they still feel more beautiful in them; but position is a game changer.

For example: a minister in a church with no money will still get women lining up. I stupid man who's pastor will have women lining up and coming to the church just to hook up with him. The bigger the church, the longer the line. Being married to a pastor gets that woman something she can't buy with money, respect and honor.

If a man has any of the three going, dating is easy. Fake it long enough to hit it, and you're good. Throw enough money at it and hit it, you're good or just throw a crazy amount of money at it you're still good, but now days if you don't hit it she'll wait for you, but get her fix up along the way with that bad dude who doesn't want to be her boyfriend. If you have a position that gave something to her you would be good. If you don't have any of the three, you're all out of luck.

If any man dare say I'm wrong, in your argument you better say, "My wife got with me when I had nothing, no position, no money AND I didn't hit it until after we were married nine months after I met her.

If you can say that, then you found a rare woman and more power to you wish more men had your luck. If you can't say that then you can't tell a man who is missing the three elements how to find a woman.

For Christian men, this is the struggle. If you hit it, someone who knows calls you a hypocrite, even though they used sex to lock down their woman. You feel like you have to break God's word just to get a woman actively involved in the relationship. It's a difficult position to be in and one they never talk about in church.



Me, My List, My Loneliness

It's so hard to find a good man, that's what we ladies repeat over and over again as an answer to our unexplainable loneliness. Truth is, the more I hear myself saying it, the more I don't believe it's true. After all, isn't it a bit of a contradiction to say, we are strong, proud women, raising our men to be strong, good, proud and respectful men, but then we turn around and say the very men that we claim to have raised and put into the world, do not exist?

I dealt with a man recently who pointed something out to me. He explained how I was looking for a good man based on my opinion of what a good man was. He pointed out that since I didn't have a father in the house most of my life, sadly my father passed away when I was seven years old, I didn't have and example to use to formulate my theory of what a good man actually looked like.

Now when I say, "Looked like," of course I'm not talking about actual looks, I'm talking about the complete make up of the man. How he walks, how he talks, how he treats women, how he speaks to me. Does this man cook, does he clean, does he leave the toilet seat down or up, I had no idea, there wasn't a man in our house to watch for clues to this riddle.

This man made me see how I had developed some hybrid form of a man that included my gentle side, my kind side, my rough side, my spiritual side; my evil side, my nasty side, my greedy side and my needy side. He was right, I had created my own perfect man inside my brain, a man that would meet all my needs and wants. Problem is, no man can meet all of a woman's needs and wants, and if he can, you probably don't want to get with him because he's probably not of this world.

You know what, this man said something that I still find crazy, even to this day, he said, "How do you know what you need, you're a woman waiting on a man to make you feel like a woman, how do you know what will make you feel like a woman?" Have you made other women feel like a woman? If not, then how do you what actions are needed to bring about the emotional satisfaction women require?" I didn't catch it right then and honestly, it took me a few days, but when I did, oh man a light came on. This man basically told me, how do I know how to touch myself, how to whisper in my ear; what to say, how to treat myself so kindly that I can't even believe it's not a fairytale. I have absolutely no way of knowing what will give me goose bumps because I'm a woman waiting on a man to give me goose bumps. Now, that I understand, I could explain it to you a thousand ways but if you're not ready to receive it, you will never get it. Let me try to say it in the most simplest of ways. Ladies, we are women, there's no way in the world we can know what we need a man to do, but we will know when he's doing something right.

Since then, I have absolutely nothing on my list of requirements. A man can be 6'2" or he can be 5"5". He can be skinny or he can be built like a rock. He can be soft spoken or he can be a bit rough. He can be very educated or he can have only completed high school, the only thing I require is that he has a job or is working on getting a job, that is always going to be a requirement because bills require payment. I know longer push away men based on how much they make. If a man has to live with me, after marriage of course, and can pay the mortgage every three months, that's a mortgage payment I would normally have made, so that's money in the bank. If he can cut the grass I don't have to pay the gardner. If he can do repairs around the house, I don't have to pay a repair man, if he pays all the house bills and buys the food, I don't have to pay those bills or buy food, I'm coming out on top financially and I have a man to love.

I'm use to think I was a supportive woman, but this man made me see I was really more of a taker and less of a giver. He made me see that if I had a man that was helping out with the bills previously mentioned and I supported him to do more, he could have maybe made enough money to pay for weekend vacations every month or month and a half. It really makes me mad that this man was so completely right about me. He asked me, "How many good dudes do I think I pushed away in my life because they didn't meet enough requirements on my list?" I didn't want to tell him so I said, "I don't think I lost any good men because of my list," but the truth was, there was at least three men that I so wish I had a second chance with. These were good men and they were trying so hard to love me but, one was too short, that's all just too short. My height requirement was 5'10" and he was 5'8". Now I see the stupidity, I pushed a good man aside because of two inches. One of the other guys I let go because he only made thirty-five thousand a year. He had a side business he was developing but at the time it wasn't making a dime; problem was, my requirement was fifty-thousand a year. I probably couldn't get him back now because from what I hear, that side business now makes around one-hundred and fifty-thousand and year, and he quit his job to concentrate on that business. The third guy, and I feel really stupid saying it, he stayed in church too much. He was there Tuesday night for bible class, wednesday night for mission and of course every Sunday morning for Sunday school and church service. He wanted me to go at least one night during the week but I wasn't trying to be at the church on a week day. There was nothing else, other than that, he was a good man, treated me right and made sixty-thousand a year.

I'm wrong, I said there were three men I wish I had another chance with, should have said four. The man that woke me up, who made me see what I was doing wrong, he's gone too. Yeah see, it turns out, the conversation where he broke it all down to me, that was also his good by, I don't want to see you any more speech. He said I never treated him like he was good enough, that I always acted like I could find someone else better. I hear he found himself a good woman and they've made plans to get married. I can't even tell you what I found wrong with him. Truth is, I won't take the time to figure it out, why should I, I know it's going to be some stupid silly thing that was on that old stupid list of mine. Well, now this new woman's got him and I'm still all alone. When I hang out with my single friends now, and they start saying, "Honey, there just ain't no good men out there any more," I don't comment, I just smile so they think I agree, but inside, honestly, I'm thinking about the four good men that wanted to love me, and I wouldn't let them.

To all you women out there still dating off a check list, wake up, while you are still young enough that men want to invest the time to get to know you. There are good men out there, you know there are, you've met them, talked to them, pushed them to the side. Stop, before it's too late and you wind up spending every Friday night sitting in a circle listening to bitter old women blame someone else for their loneliness.



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How dating ends online

I'm going to be brief. Things have changed. There was a time when you agonized over how to end a relationship. What do you say, how do you say it, how will she or he act? With online dating, you have none of those worries; with online dating, it ends smoothly and easily. Here's how it works.

You wait for that moment when she says, "I'll call you tomorrow," but she doesn't, and by doing so, she kick starts your exit strategy. Strategy, there is no strategy, there is only silence.

She didn't call, it's on her. You wanted to stop calling and now you can stop calling and be in the right, after all, it's her turn to call, she did say she would call, but she didn't. First she misses that call, then she doesn't call the next day to say sorry for not calling yesterday; followed by three more days of silence, and and the relationship is over.

No one ever has to say, "Hey, I'm just not feeling you," no one has to come up with some reason why it's over, you just stop calling and the silence says it all.

Every woman I've talked to from online dating ended it this way. Every time it was them who said they would call me and didn't. I waited for them to call, to call and say sorry for not calling, but they never did; after three days, I knew it was over. I didn't lament about it because it was over long before they lied about calling. I appreciate the drama free ending, but what does it say about dating when no one communicates their issues? What if the issue is simple? What if they are confused about something or misunderstood something you said, but they never express what the issue was and the relationship just fades away?

How does anyone ever get over that hump when as soon as there is a bump in the road one side just stops calling? In each one of my online dating experiences, I had no idea why they never called again, so all I could do is get back out there and find someone else to talk to.

There had to be an issue somewhere along the way that was not vocalized, their not calling was just their solution to the perceived problem. You can't help but to wonder, had they communicated their concern in a timely manner, maybe the dating process would have continued.

I think we just need everything to be fast and easy, and if it's not, we say it wasn't right, we aren't a match. Since when did a good match require the relationship to be easy and problem free? Of course no one wants to work too hard on a relationship in it's formative stage, I know I don't, but there's a difference between working too hard and be willing to solve the simple issues that might arise.

You would think that men and women in their forties would be a little more patient but, it's no different; the first sign of a slight misunderstanding, or the first sign that he is not all the you envision during your single and lonely days, he's history. Come on, if you are in your late thirties and beyond, telling your life story may not come across to the other person, the way you know the story to be. Maybe explaining your personality isn't so easy on the phone. What ever happened to taking time to get to know someone? You use to hear stories of people that didn't care too much for each other in the beginning but something happened along the way and they fell in love. In today's world, that could never happen, if you don't hit every mark on your check list, and hit them fast, you're out, and moving on to the next.

How is anyone going to get married when dating is like a fast food drive up window? We must feel true love in minutes and be instantly validated. We want what we want and give it to me in a bag, I'm in a hurry.



I'm Broke? No, it's your Soul that's Broke!

So I'm on facebook hitting on a woman and it's going okay at first. She seemed nice enough, she was pretty enough, important that I let you know she was pretty enough, and well, that's all I knew about her in the beginning.

We talked, she looked at my pictures, I only had two pictures posted, and she told me the picture with the hat looked like somebody from the 60s on a poor farm. Okay, not a nice thing to say but, I pushed on. I explained to her that the hat was on purpose and was part of a comedy routine I was doing at the time. The criticism didn't stop there.

She went on to suggest that I kept the goatee. I'm thinking, did this woman just tell me I don't look good without the goatee? She must be saying that because she didn't just say it once, she repeated that I should only go with the goatee look.

Now I did say this woman was pretty enough didn't I? She was nice looking but, there are plenty of women in their late 40s that look way better than she did in her early 40s. She didn't have a lot of body, in fact, she wasn't in the best shape. She had a tiny stomach on her, and not the good kind of tiny, I'm talking the I look two months pregnant tiny but round, you can see it pushing out the shirt stomach.

I kept talking to her, yes even after the she clearly put me down now on multiple occasions, but then, the conversation turned towards my income. This woman after hearing my financial situation, told me, I should not date until I had enough money to take a woman out and treat her like a queen. I'm sorry I've got to jump to the end because my anger is coming to the surface as I type, if I don't hurry to the finish, I might become to emotional to keep my creative flow. So, It turns out, this woman was broke. Yeah, flat broke. She was a 42 year old nice enough looking, broke college student with a body that was,,,,,,,alright but not exciting.

"How the hell can you tell me to not find someone to spend time with, something all human beings need, when you, yourself, are a 42 year old broke college student. What the hell you doing in college at age 42 any way? What you need to be doing is going to the gym doing squats and sit ups.

So there's my story. What did I do? Nothing. I stopped talking to her of course because clearly she wasn't worth my time. You see, I expect the women I get with to have a job. See how I flipped it?

Part time, full time, temporary, seasonal, working for yourself, selling lemonade in the park. something.

"How dare you tell me I have to go without love when I actually have a part time job and my own business that just needs to be relocated to be prosperous and you don't even have a job. Hiding in college is what you're doing."

Oh wait, I'm just now hearing something she said to me. Now when she said it, I thought it was stupid but I just realized why she said it. I'm sorry, you're waiting to hear what she said aren't you.

She said, "I want to have another baby."

As I write this story I realize why she wanted a baby, because it would give her the ability to sit home and be a mother again. Being a mother is the ultimate excuse for a lazy woman. I didn't call mothers lazy I said it's an excuse for lazy women. Nobody will ever blame a woman for not working if she's taking care of a baby, but if you don't have a baby, people expect you to go out and get a damn job. Come to think of it, college is the other place you can hide out if you are lazy and don't want to work. I'm sure everyone knows that person that stayed in college for ten years, and whenever times got rough, they ran to the college to sign up for classes. I know girls (girls not a girl, girls) that have gotten like three AA degrees and didn't work the entire time. Clearly this woman just doesn't want a job period.

When we were talking, I do remember thinking, I'm not trying to have another kid so this is a wrap anyway, all her put downs are not even important, because I'm not trying to get a 42 year old woman pregnant. What kind of fool would I be to do that? Plus, If I wasn't to get a woman pregnant I could go down into the late 30s and have a baby with a woman that should, medically, be in less danger of complications during pregnancy.

So there you have my story. I'm glad she felt I wasn't good enough for her; I might have done something stupid and attempted to love this lazy gold digging stupid woman. You can tell by how she treated me in our first couple of conversation how she would have treated me in the marriage. I would have never been good enough for her because she thinks she's all that and deserves to have a man literally take care of her. Well, I already raise my two kids so I'm not looking for a 42 year old kid to take care of.

I was going to delete her from my facebook, but I'm going to leave her right where she is so I can keep track of her. Five years from now, when she's too old to have a baby and she's still not married, I'm going to hit on her just for the fun of it.

I think I might suggest to her that she "Goes out and gets a damn job. Clearly nobody is going to marry you and give you a get out of work free ticket for the next 18 years which will take you right up to the 65 year mark where you will no doubt immediately retire."

I'm not retire any woman that tells me I don't look good without a goatee. Love me with or without hair. Love me short or tall. Love me rich or poor, and I'll retire you and give you the job of just being good to me. This woman doesn't know how to be good to anyone but herself. I don't know what fool will marry her but if someone does, he's a fool.





How Hard is it to accept Perfection?

Let me just put it out there. I'm 5'7". I'm 160 pounds but built solid, well built up top. I do need to build the legs. Hey guys hit the arms and forget the legs. I raised two daughters pulling the heavy load. No less than 50% custody except when living in Atlanta for three years, so I cut down to 40%. Raised youngest full time most of last 6 years. I'm single, I'm broke, I'm a good man. Did I say I was broke? I'm not going to stay broke forever, but can't see the future so don't know when that will change. I won't have sex with you, waiting for my wife. My foreplay is off the chain because I'm patient and very inventive. I'm a Christian/Hebrew. I live for Yahuwah/God.

I'm looking for a wife and taking applications. We don't have to get married until my finances change, but are you willing to give a good man a chance without the money being there currently? Am I, at the end of the day, just the sum of my financial holdings? I'm not getting any cuter, or any taller, and I'm not going to change my personality for anyone, so what's going to be the difference when my financial situation changes other than my financial situation? I'm God fearing now and will be then. I'm a minimalist now and will be then. I'm a poor dresser now and well, if you shop for me that will change, if I have to shop for myself, not changing. This is something I don't understand, I'm not going to be any different then so why can't you get with me now? When I had a six figure savings account most of the rooms in my house were empty and I still drove the same old car. My daughter had a brand new car, but I drove the same car. What's going to be the difference in how I treat you between now and after I have money? I won't hit you now and I won't hit you then; I'll treat you with gratitude now and I'll treat you with gratitude then, what's going to change?

Do you think you are a deep, strong, marvelous woman because you're willing to give time to a tall, dark, handsome man with a lot of money? Hell any woman can and will do that. Are you special because you find a man in a position of power attractive? No. Every man knows once he has a position of respect women come running. What makes you deeper than the average woman? What makes you better, for a man with money than a mail ordered bride? She wants a nice looking dude with money, you want a nice looking dude with money, what's the difference; there should be a difference.

The more I think about it the more it doesn't make sense. Anybody can ask for perfection and then claim God sent them to you. Make him this and that and this and that, "Oh God sent my soul mate." Well men can do it to and they normally do when they have money, they ask for and get as close to perfection as they want to get. They get tall, beautiful, sexy, well spoken, smart, educated, whatever they want they get because money allows it. Is that a soul mate of the best that money can buy?

Question is, how hard is it to accept near perfection? How hard is that really? Why do you think that makes you, a great person because you are ready and willing to accept near perfection? Any body can and will do that.

Oh I'm sure I'll get some negative comments about the post but I've learned over the years women respond more to negativity than positive thought but only when they just ain't into you. So since I'm broke yeah, I'll hear it, but if it's put together nicely, I'll post it if you like. The bottom line is, if you ain't feeling the blog it's because you ain't feeling me and since I don't have money there's no way to rule out everything I said above being the case with you and your attitude towards this blog.

If I was writing a blog about this, I would be stuck on the first line. Here's what I would have on paper: I love black women because.....

Can we start at, I'm attracted to you and move on from there? I'm going to post this again have my situation changes. See if the response is different.



I ain't no King, but you ain't no Queen either

On and on this stupid game continues, talking to women who claim they want a man and getting nowhere. Wasting time when time, when there's no time to waste.

I woke this morning and my mind spoke to be very clearly, it said, "The problem is, women are always looking for a King, and you ain't no King."

Why did my mind say this to me? Well, lets look at everything I've experienced this year. Since the start of this year, 2016 I've spent 90 days on a dating site, and have entered into conversation with several women via facebook and all I've gotten is disrespect because I'm not tall and disrespect because I'm not making x amount of money. It always comes down to money even when they say money doesn't matter, it may take a few more conversations but it always comes back to money.

They love my picture. I fit the description they say they want. I'm a good man, a God fearing man, a man that won't cheat, or lie or ignore them. I seem to be everything they want and still, they so easily pass on by, why, I don't understand it. It's like that person standing in the shark tank, you know, the tv show, and they were offered the exact terms they asked for when they walked in but for some reason, they just can't seem to say, "You've got a deal." I can still here the sharks shouting, "What are you doing, he gave you everything you asked for?"

So here's the answer to the problem. There is one thing women ask for that I am not. They ask you to be a King. Two out of three profiles say they are waiting on their King. Now I know that's just language that has been repeated over and over again so women grab on to it and use it but, there's more to this than just adopted language; women are really waiting on a King. Let's talk about what a King looks like.

A King wears Kingly clothing. He is admired by all. Those who don't admire him fear him, which works just as well when it comes to female stimulation. A King has power over others, people listen when he talks. A King has possessions, he has great wealth and wants for nothing. A King can give his queen anything she desires, she will never want for anything. When you look at that, the description of the life of a King, you get it, no wonder so many good men can't get a woman. They are good men but they ain't no King.

The funny thing is, women can't be alone too long, so in the mean time, while they are waiting on their King; while they are pushing aside that good man who ain't a King, they will take the dog into their home and play with him with the thought, that he's just a for now situation until your King arrives on the scene. You're not going to fall in love with the dog or keep the dog for very long, you're just going to allow the dog to play with you for a minute so you can scream, "Good dog, that's a boy, fetching it; bring mama the stick, roll over, that's my baby, your a good dog."

I've got to ask, is that really the way a Queen would act? You want a King and you call yourselves Queens, but you pet the dog, let him lick your face, push him down to that other place, and you say, "I'm a Godly woman full of grace?"

Wow, what a contradiction isn't it? Your man, your soul mate has to be a Godly man and a King but you can lay with a dog for years and it doesn't change your status as a Queen?

The problem with this thinking is, you think it's just for a few nights to make it tight, but it last for two, three, four, five, six, seven years. That short term situation turns into a long term thing because along the way, after months of sexual encounters, you start having feeling for this dog and you decide in your mind you are going to turn this dog into a King. Problem is, you can't kiss a dog and turn him into a King.

Over and over again, I talked to women, good women, women I would have no problem trying to marry, but after a couple of conversations you find out that boyfriend they glossed over in the first conversation, he was around for two to seven years. You weren't just going for walks in the park and to the movies for three years, he was diving into your treasure, on call, the entire time. Godly? Don't answer that, because you know it's not. Queen? Really, I think the english language has other words that better define what you were during this time in your life, a queen you were not. A Queen as enough respect for herself to kick that dog and tell him to get out of her house. A Queen would not let a dog leave doo doo around her home and especially not in her bedroom. She, this Queen, might have allowed herself to seek the pleasures of sex from this man for a night or two or three, because, hey, people get lonely and need to be touched sometimes but a Queen, would have said, "Thank you for the sex, that'sall it was, sex; I'm not trying to give my treasure to a dog, yeah that was my good by."

Don't get me wrong, I don't really care that you gave it up to a dude for one year or ten years. I've stopped looking for a woman that could keep her treasure secure a long time ago, because I can't find one, and to keep it fair, there's no reason to look for a woman like this because I too have things in my past that make me far less than perfect. I can not require you to be what I am not.

I do however, appreciate a woman that admits, she held out for a while but then lost her strength to a dude for a few years. I get it though, nobody wants to be alone and if a guy comes along saying the right stuff, even if you know he ain't the right man, sometimes you just need someone to beat it up real good and make you scream for a while. Don't be ashamed, I get it, it's normal. My problem is, you can lower your standards to make your "love part" happy for a minute, but you hold your standards to the Kingly level when a good man, who wants to love you true and real comes knocking. You push him aside because he doesn't wears Kingly clothes. He is not admired by any one and no one fears him. He has no power over others, and nobody listens to him when he speaks. He does not have great wealth and if you are with him there will be times when you can't get everything you want and you may even have to scrape to cover the things you need. He won't be able to give you everything you desire, and your eyes will have want in them.

But this man is real, the King, he is not. Why women ask for a King makes no sense. There is only one King in every Kingdom, every man is a member of the village or kingdom, but there is always just one man that has the status of a King and likewise only one woman that has the position of the Queen. I don't need a woman to be a Queen, I don't care if you had a dog licking her in the past. I don't care if there's a three year stretch in her life where the last thing she needed to happen was Jesus come back for his saints because he would have found her bent over the kitchen table screaming, that's a good boy, bring mama that stick. I don't care, nobody is perfect. The only thing I care about is will you let me love you if I can't give you the world, because I can't, I'm not a King.


Warning. When a man gets tired of being rejected by a group of women because he doesn't have the qualities of a King, he goes to another group of women that will accept his status as a good man.





Waiting on my Boaz

Church women are always talking about waiting on a Boaz type man but, today I was thinking, maybe we're placing way too much expectation on a man based on story in the bible. In the story, a man with land and crops took in an older woman he was related to and her daughter-in-law after the older woman's son had died. On the surface it seems like a really great thing that the man did but looking deeper, Boaz, being a land owner was probably considered a wealthy in his time, and he married a younger woman who clearly offered herself to him.

In church we make a big deal about the story as if Boaz was a great man but really, all he did was marry a younger woman who probably wasn't bad looking and isn't that something that happens every day in our time? Sure she was a broke younger woman but even today, if you are a very nice looking young woman, and you offer yourself to an older man with money, he's going to take you up on your offer. We church women always say we want a Boaz man but then that puts us in the position against women who, if they act like this young woman in the story did, would be called gold diggers. Was she a gold digger? Well, she had just lost her husband and she was broke and she went for this older man taking advantage of the customs in place where men married women widowed in their family. This young woman put herself in a position where the older man would want her and by wanting her he would also take care of the older woman who was his family. Bring that story into modern day and she would be called a gold digger.

Recently, a man suggested that I was looking for a man with money and probably missing out on a good man just because he didn't have money. I got so mad at this man, I thought, how dare he talk about me like that, he doesn't know me, what a fool he is; but later that night, while sitting alone on the couch I thought about it and wondered, was he right, was I sitting on the couch alone because I'm pushing men who are financially challenged to the side while waiting on my man with money? Was I waiting on a Boaz and if so, did that make me a gold digger? I just don't want to settle on any man, I've worked really hard to get what I have and I just feel like a man should have more than me, is that wrong? While thinking this I remembered this man saying those same words to me, he said, "You probably feel like you are settling because a man isn't wealthy enough to wine and dine you like you feel you deserve but the problem is, likely what you think you deserve is what you see on television and in the movies and the movies always uses the story of a rich man and a not so rich woman." I thought on it, considering his point and you know what, he's right, I have been waiting on a Boaz and in that, waiting on a man that can take care of me, but was I wrong in doing so, that's the question?

I don't know the answer, what I do know is, I'm tired of sitting on this couch alone. I do make enough money to live okay so I don't need money from a man so maybe I can be happy with a man that doesn't make as much as I do, maybe he can even make a little less and it will be okay.

I'm going to try to look at men different from now on but, the men I'm always attracted to all have money, how can I change what I'm attracted too? I don't know if I can change, I might have to have a man with money since that's what makes me excited. I think I'm okay with that but, I'm not a young woman any more, so I can't throw myself at a man like the woman in the bible story, because there will be plenty of younger women throwing themselves at him too and if you give a man a choice between a forty year old woman and a thirty year old woman, he's going to take the thirty year old every time. If it takes me much longer to find a husband, I'm going to need a younger daughter-in-law to find the rich older man for me, like the young woman did in the bible story.



Where's the Ring?

You know what I can't stand; women that have no wedding ring on their finger but when you ask them out they say, "I'm good," or "I'm in a relationship," or " I'm not single."

Yes, yes you are single, you have no ring on your finger which means you are still unmarried, which means you can get married and not be guilty of polygamy. In case you don't know what that word means, polygamy is the practice of having more than one legal spouse for which you can be sent to jail, in America.

A couple of years ago I approached two women in the same week at a grocery store. Both women gave me the same answer, but I didn't let it go. I said to both of them, "I don't see a ring on your finger." They both responded, "I'm good." I asked, "How long have you been with the guy?" They both had been in their relationship over three years. I ask you, three years with no wedding? How long does it take to know you love someone enough to marry them?

That's why when I was on the dating site earlier this year, just about every woman you talk to just got out of a long term relationship, not a marriage, a relationship, or as in most cases, they gave up the major part of their youth to a man that would not marry them.

Women, you aren't married in three years because he DOES NOT LOVE YOU, if he did, you would have a ring on your finger. Yes, sometimes they do marry you after three and four years but most time they don't.

Let me kill your argument before your start it. Yes, people get married and get divorce, but at least that man thought enough about that woman that he was willing to pay for the booty. He was willing to stand in front of a group of your friends and proclaim his love for you. He was willing to say to other women, I am officially off the market. Your man, he's not willing to do anything but come home and say to you, "I'm here, that will have to due, take it or leave it," and your response, sadly, "I'll take it."

Take a look at those two women that pushed me off because they had a man. I would bet good money that they are either still with the dude, unmarried or they have moved on to another guy who is also getting the booty for free and using up what remains of your youthful years.

You might say, what difference does it make, if they are still with the guy and they are happy what business is it of mine. First off, it's none of my business, this is a blog, blogs discuss issues. Second. Don't lie to yourself, these women are the same women you find on online dating sites complaining they've never been married. They will tell their story of how they was with a guy all through their thirties and they wanted to get married but he would never marry her. I have yet to talk to a woman in her forties with this story that didn't REGRET not walking away in her early thirties so she could have found a guy that would marry her. Now, in her mid forties, her beauty not so much a calling card as it was ten years earlier; she finds she's running into men who have been married and divorced, sometimes twice and they have no plans on getting married again. Most of these men in their forties have been drug through the male abusive court system; have dealt with unfair allocation of child support, and had to deal with an angry ex-wife for way too many years. Now, in their forties, marriage is not high on their list of priorities.

This is how it works for men so if you want to be married once in your life before you die, your best chance of doing that is in your thirties. If you give your youthful years to a man that has no plans on marrying you and all that time you tell good men who want to get married to go away, you create your own sad story to tell in your forties. The men you push aside are men that want to come home to you every night. Men who want to have children with you and raise them together. Men who want to tell the world you and he are both off the market.

Believe it or not, there will come a time when men won't be knocking so hard on your door. There will come a time when you are the older woman and there's that young shapely girl competing for the same dude. There was a time when you were that young girl but that time has passed and now you are alone, sad and desperate which guess what; puts you in a position where you again accept a man that will be with you, give you sex but not marry you because he has already been there and done that and has no plans on marrying again.

I use to fill sorry for women in their forties that tell me this story. Now, after so many women pushed me aside in my thirties; I say, that's what you get. There's too many good men out there that are having far too hard of a time finding someone to love and marry for you to allow yourself to waste your most beautiful years on some dude that really, just wants you for your booty.

I'm going to leave you with this thought. I man that only wants you for your youthful booty, I mean beauty, will start looking someplace else when your body is no longer so tight. Beauty fades baby, beauty fades. How many men did you push aside for that sex provider?



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